i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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