plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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