She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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