You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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