a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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