If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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