Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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