Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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