I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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