You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize