I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
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He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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