i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize