K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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