I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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