It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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