its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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