the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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