wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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