I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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