she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize