Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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