I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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