how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize