i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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