There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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