So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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