I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize