I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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