Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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