I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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