last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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