Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize