I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize