i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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