I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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