Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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