when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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