I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize