This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i dont even know how to be here
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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