she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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