My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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