how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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