dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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