Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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