Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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