OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize