just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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