i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
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I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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