haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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