Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am available for nakedness
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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